i don't like!!!

It has always been difficult to tell anybody my dislikes. I'd figure out that I could get along with anything that comes up in my way but when I'm by myself, it gave me time to ponder upon what i really like and dislike...

Here is a list of what i do not like!!! ~~

1~ hardly able to say 'NO' at most of the time!
2~ disruption of privacy....(but it's ok)
3~ the fact that I'm ok with everything...(see like number 2)
4~ a person who doesn't keep to his or her words.
5~ someone trying hard to be better than me
6~ me being compared with another who is totally different from me...(haha)
7~ me always wanting to satisfy others (errrr..habits that i can't dispose)
8~ my addiction to chocolate..(i just want a piece but it will be the whole bar)
9~ people being happy when i lose in something(especially my dreams..its ok!)
10~ me don't know what i want...
11~ me feeling guilty easily sometimes even for a no-no reasons
12~ me not understanding me..(crap!)
13~ me confused..(grr!)
14~ noises..(annoying!) but not musics :))
15~ show offs..
16~ me being told to do things i do not like doing (but it's ok!! :))))) )
17~ people who stares at me!!! (its ok if you at least smile..)
18~ liars...(truth never hurt as much as lie does)
19~ people with no sensitivity
20~ being betrayed.
21~ hypocrites..
22~ my sensitivity!!
23~ me faking strength..but i AM strong!! ha!
24~ me sometimes tooo feminine..and sometimes a tom-boy (with long hair :D lol..split personality..i kinda like it,..don't count this one)
25~ people who is sometimes hot then cold (like Katy Perry sung)
26~ people who underestimate my potential...
27~ too much praises..but its ok (i like it..sometimes hehe)
28~ me feeling insecure
29~ me being shy to eat in front of people except my family
30~ me being pampered too much!....haaaa.....
31~ people who talks but aren't brave enough to do what they say (don't action speak louder?!)
32~ man who acts like boy...(grow grow! gurls need you! ahahha)
33~ lady who acts like baby..emm it's ok.. BUT with just anybody??? (eeew..lalala~~)
34~ people who judge me without being my friend first or knowing me first!!
35~ distraction when im studying!!!

Confidence via musics or heels??

The sound of violin could just freeze me and my thoughts and totally drift me elsewhere, probably into a world where all dreams just keep coming true and all the sadness and tremors are just cast into a little box, labeled with your identities and stored in a room specially made for it. And when the piano joins in, it makes you skip, smile and laugh, just like chasing butterflies in a garden filled with loads of colourful pretty little flowers. Somewhere in the midst, a guitar ensures the creation of bond between one of us with the nature and the surroundings. The beat of the drum makes everything more alive and maybe that is why i just love to indulge myself into musics.

Nevertheless, it is not just me who feels this way, there are many out there who covers themselves with musics too. It inspires me to keep living and believing. It's not that I'm hiding from the real world. I love the challenges that comes in my way. I get what i need from musics and charge in for reality, just like tools that needs to be charged. Back then, in college, I always had my headset hanging around my neck and attached to my black Sony Ericsson, W910i. It would be plug in my ears whenever I am walking alone as there is nobody to talk to at that particular moment. In that case, it does help me to walk with confidence. ;)) it definitely made me a chirpy bird when I gang up with my friends.

But, i come to wonder sometimes, is this really me? Would I still be walking with confidence without musics in my ear. Would I still be the chirpy bird when I meet up with my friends? So, to diminish my little wonders, I decided to test myself one fine day. I walk to class by myself, without my headset in my ear. I felt like I'm being noticed from every corner. There were varieties of eyes and its not pretty nice when someone keeps on staring at you and when you suddenly look at them they still continue staring and you had to let out a smile just to make the situation a little more comfortable. *sigh* ''why cant they be the one that smile first? ''
I noticed more people around me without my headsets in my ear and the stare they'd give me for a no-no reason. The non-secured feeling would start arousing in me and that's when I walk looking down at most of the time. Thankfully, I'm still the same gurl when I'm surrounded by my friends.

The whole day tested without my headset ended when I finally get back to my room at my dorm. A tiring day it has been, with lectures, tutorials and experiments to handle. Thus, upon reaching my room, i hung my bag at my chair and drop myself down into the exact same chair at my study table, planning the night that was approaching. When I was finally done, I thought about who I am and that walking with confidence only when there is musics playing just doesn't seem to be right. I need the confidence even without musics. So, I came up with a plan that no headset until I feel secured and comfortable of my surroundings. But guess what, little did I know, that the next day I'd end up walking with my friends, and so is the next day, and next and next until college finally comes to an end. Funny isn't it how things just happen by itself. Anyhow, I've discovered that I've got something to work on-walking with confidence.

Fortunately, I realised that I felt this way only in college, because when I'm back home, I didn't need music to walk with. All I need was my heels! I hardly wore my heels in college, but I'm a heel addict. Plus, you walk in public, people do notice you but it's not like you are gonna see the same person again and again. It's not the same situation in college.People notice you and they keep noticing you for a couple of time. So, I finally came up with a conclusion that is, music helps me keep away from noticing people noticing me! :DD